Dear Sadie and Meatball,
I love you fiercely, and I would do almost anything for you, especially now that you are too young to have formed any malicious intent or do much damage morally or ethically. But, you gotta understand that when you suffer from non-stop diarrhea for 5 days, it *may* wear on your mother.
Just a little.
I don't mean to gag when I step into your room, and it's nothing personal when I burst into tears at the site of your diaper's leaking content. It's really not.
You see, every now and then, things happen in the human body that are allegedly natural and probably quite beautiful and majestic, but sometimes the smell of all that majesty makes me weak in my knees and curls my historically straight-as-a-board hair. So, please drink your Pedialyte, even though you hate the taste and eat your probiotic yogurt or keep the smelling salts really close to your changing tables because during the next round I may faint and will need some delicious smelling uguents to rouse me up.
Wish I was kidding.
Don't hate me because I detest the smell of shit.
Love you two little birds!