36 Weeks, Bitches!

I am a very wound-up 36 weeks. The fuel for my wind up includes the following:

• having a great visit with the doctor today, where she performed the intrusive Group B strep test and confirmed that Meatball is head down (yay!) and that my cervix is not getting thinner or lower (less yay!);
• working on project mouse trap at night even though Jeff is out of town (God help us all if I come downstairs one morning and find our furry friend ensconed between the wires of the mouse trap);
• getting closer to our due date and feeling the accompanying anxiety along with an insane amount of work suddenly on my plate (should I even be in client services? How can devoted parents be good at client services?);
• feeling excited about my upcoming VBAC (working on positive visioning);
• having found a pair of pants I thought I lost week ago when all along it was sitting in the dryer from the load of laundry I attempted this weekend but never managed to close the deal by getting the clothes out of the dryer and folding them and putting them away (who really does all of that at once?);
• working my way through a long novel about the Vietnam War (Matterhorn by Merlantes), which makes me feel like I have the cushiest job in the universe, even though I had to work (in the office) until 9 on Monday night and had to do some basic legal secretary work all day yesterday (Hey! It's better than getting jungle rot on my hands and feet and fearing for my life while on the job);

And,

Basically, I can bullet point all I want, but I am having a baby in about a month and that's enough to make me squirrely and jittery and exhausted all at once.

I was sad that I wasn't at least a little bit dilated or effaced, even though it's early and those occurances do not guarantee anything. Still, I had the faint hope that maybe I was at 1 cm and 50% effaced, which I think might have boosted my confidence on the VBAC front. I think I will call the doula and get a little pep talk about how my body is a wonderland and all that.

In the meantime, still feeling ravenous most of the time, though very few things sound appetizing. Maybe I'll work on my chocolate biscuit tonight.