Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Getting on my bad side

Here's a primer on how to get on my bad side:

Come into my office (with a swagger, preferably) and ask me how long my maternity leave will be. When I answer that it will be 16 weeks (80% UNPAID, if you care to ask about that part), make a comment about how long that sounds to you. (Especially if you happen to be a male in a position of authority over me, even though you are younger and have been practicing law the same amount of years that I have.)

Then, when I bite on your little snide remark and mention I may have to have a C-section (which, FYI, is major surgery and very devastating to lots of women for reasons too complicated go into during a casual drop-in conversation at the office), then say the following:

"You get all that extra time for the privilege of not having an unmedicated birth?"

Yep. That will do it. You just made an enemy. And, that's why I went into my speech about how, actually, getting a spinal and having your guts cut open and your baby whisked away the minute she is born is really pretty traumatic and I will take as many unpaid god-damned weeks off as I feel is necessary to bond with my son and my family in order raise children who are sensitive and aware and tolerant and loving and respectful of other people's choices, especially those that involve intimate decisions like childbirth and healing therefrom.

So, yes, that's how to get on my bad side. It's been done so the method has been proven.

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