If you know me, then you probably know I am neurotic and none of this will shock you. With the impending birth of our son, Meatball, there are new vistas of neurosis for me to explore. The one that drives me the hardest these days is trying to keep things fair between Sadie and Meatball. For example, I ordered the exact same baby record book for both kids. If it's exactly the same, that's fair, right? It gets trickier from there. How can I keep this up for the rest of their lives?
I want there to be the exact same level of excitement over the birth of Meatball as there was for Sadie. I want the same number of visitors and the same number of gifts waiting for us when we get home. I want the same well wishes and the same level of care and support from friends and family. (Controlling much?)
I am already worried about the fact that their rooms are not the same size. We opted to keep Sadie in her room to minimize the change and disruption for her. Does she really care about extra square feet in her bedroom, where she goes only to sleep and have her diaper changed?(And, occasionally to pee on the floor when we let her run around au natural.) So, Meatball got the other bedroom on our floor and it happens to be bigger by about 2 feet. For little people who still shit in their pants, does size matter?
Plus, I am different and Jeff is different and there is Sadie. I keep telling myself that it's not my responsibility to make life fair for my kids; my responsibility is to be honest with myself and with them. I can't control that Meatball could conceivably arrive in the middle of a winter snowstorm or during the Superbowl any more than I could control that Sadie didn't arrive on Bastille Day (also, her due date). In fact, the world isn't fair so maybe making my kids think it is will just screw with their heads. It may be better life preparation to teach them that life isn't fair but Jeff and I have their backs no matter what happens. I plan to be fiercely partisan when it comes to my kids. I am perfectly comfortable being THAT mom: The one who stands by her children no matter what happens. Not to say I won't discipline them, because I will (by I, I mean Jeff will), but I will always be on their side even if my purpose for jumping to their side is to guide them back to reason or compassion.
I have to make peace with the fact that Sadie's baby book indicates she went to a federal prison (Pontiac Prison) while in utero, but the most exotic place I can list in Meatball's book is the ladies room at the immigration court (which, is not so dissimilar to Pontiac Prison, but I digress). It seems extreme to try to get myself "admitted" to Pontiac prison over the next 3 weeks so that the children have the same baby book entries.
Let's just celebrate the unique stories of each of my kids' lives. It would make it so much easier for me than all this fairness BS.
Here's to diversity in my own family!