Thursday, August 4, 2011

And just like that, it's August

Excuse me, but how the bejesus did it get to be August? Where did the summer go? Has the heat so addled my brain that I just sleptwalked through the past 2 months? Whatever it was, it's time to face the facts: The greatest summer of my life is slipping through my hands like water my kids peed in. Ah, sweet bath water laced with urine.

I have moments everyday where I think to myself: memorize this moment because it's perfect. Memorize these feelings because they are sublime. Today, Sadie and I spent some time laying on my bed relaxing and her head was on my shoulder. It was totally perfect. We were both still and quiet and in close physical proximity. I felt happy thinking that my daughter could see me and my presence as a place to relax. As part of "home." I hate the thought of her feeling tense or clinched in my presence. It was a perfect moment and over too soon.

And Simon, if he's not the sweetest little pumpkin. My first instinct when I learned of his existence was to call him a cherry blossom. A mom's instinct is a powerful thing. As I spend these days watching him blossom, he's much than a meatball-- he is at once more delicate and more multi-dimensional. He's a cherry blossom. He's also learning how to crawl and his little body keeps trying to make it happen. It looks like he cannot control his brain that wants him to practice, practice, practice all the time. When we are nursing he trying to crawl and nurse at the same time. Do I even need to say more about how awkward that is?

This evening Simon put his head on my lap and rested there for a few minutes. Then, he looked up into my eyes and gave me the biggest smile and make a happy grunting noise that make me think he knows his mama loves him with an inexplicable intensity, which reveals itself, paradoxically, when we are calm and relaxed.

I hope I remember these moments and these days forever, because they are the most important moments that have ever happened to me.

When we aren't all gazing and relaxing at each other, Sadie loves to play "Home Depot," which is when she gets on her Winnie the Pooh big wheel and rides around telling everyone she's going to Home Depot to get nails, a hammer and some paint. Jeff takes Sadie to a kids workshop at Home Depot every month and it's clearly make a deep impression on Sadie. The best is when she grabs one of my purses and puts on her lipstick and then announces majestically that she is off to Home Depot. She's in and out of lots of different stereotypes.

As for Simon, he's physically ahead of his cohorts as he is already sitting up on his own. He's also getting 3 "meals" a day of cereal, sweet potatoes and/or squash. Plenty of his "dinner" and "lunch" end up on his bib, but plenty also ends up in his belly and I have the diapers to prove it. He is officially 18lbs 10 ounces so he's clearly not missing any meals. The smiles on that kid could melt a diamond.

My class starts in about 3 weeks. I can't express how grateful I am not to be spending my day at a law firm and missing these moments. Even the ones that suck, like when Sadie had a full out meltdown at the grocery store for reasons that are still unclear to me (and probably her). That really sucked, but at least I didn't have to wear a suit for the privilege of being yelled at and asked for something unreasonable that I didn't even understand. Children and law firms have much in common

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