Well, we are definitely in the back half of this pregnancy and I am still waiting for that "I feel so beautiful" aura to hit me. I have tried everything to tap into my right as a pregnant woman to feel flush and radiant and exude an inexplicable beauty. That is, I have tried tight clothes, and loose clothes, new shoes (Tory Burch, thank you very much) and new accessories, new maternity clothes, a new hair cut, new moisturizer, and new underwear. And, still, nada. Zip. Could I at least have a few months (or weeks!) of my life where I don't have to do any spiritual work (other than keep on growing a healthy baby boy in my sacred core) but I still get to sit around and glow and look like someone airbrushed my face?
I suspect the answer is no.
Ok, fine, so I won't look like Catherine Zeta-Jones during this pregnancy, or really any other time in my life. Though I tried to get a haircut like her character Velma from Chicago and I really just looked like a Chuckie doll. I am mostly ok with that. This pregnancy I have tried some different things, such as not sitting on my ass for 30 weeks eating ice cream sandwhiches and macaroni and cheese. I have been taking lots of walks around the neighborhood with Sadie and enjoying the most spectacular fall in memory. These walks have been so valuable for my mental and emotional health. Oh, and I found an iPhone App. that let's me record the time and mileage for each walk. This pregnancy I got up off the couch at week 17.5; in my former pregnancy, it was closer to week 30 or 32 before I had the courage and fortitude to walk more than 3 blocks. I still marvel at these women who can run during pregnancy. I would have to be chased by rabid, snaggle-toothed IT personnel to really break into a run. Even then, I think I would make it about 3 blocks.
So, glow I may not, but I will have moved my body and eaten pretty decently by the time the Meatball takes his first breath. The somewhat disconcerting topic of "baby weight" came into focus last night when I got the notice for my 20-year high school reunion. I thought it would be in September 2011, which will be about 7 months after Meatball. I could have a goddamned glow by then. But, to my chagrin, the date was announced as the first weekend in June (2011). Hello? Did the alumni chapter forget to consult my family planning chart? Four months? After Sadie, I was still not myself at 4 months.
*Sadie and Meatball if you are reading this please know that your appearance is not the most important thing in life. You are lucky that you have been taught that what is most important about people is who they are, how they act, and the relationships they can build. People will love you for who you are and not what you look like, including your hair, your weight, your complexion, your clothes. You are loveable because of your insides.
Now, for the rest of us who didn't grow up with the same enlightened and loving parents that my children did, you can see why one might panic about a high school reunion taking place 4 months after giving birth (at the tender, and weight-retaining age of 37), right? I know it's more important to show up and be present for the memories from high school and celebrate who we have all become in these intervening 20 years. It's just that I harbor a little fantasy that I could do it wearing a very ferosh sundress enjoying the gasps of complete disbelief from old high school chums (and an ex-beau or two) that I had a baby just four short months ago.
So, now we understand why, to the extent any glow-- pregnancy-related or otherwise-- comes from my spiritual fitness, mine has yet to take spark.
Must work on shallowness.