This little stash of breast milk has gotten me into some trouble. Seems innocent enough to have some stored breast milk for the son I am nursing. I, however, got kind of wrapped up in the whole notion that stockpiling the milk was more important than the process of breastfeeding Simon as a way to connect with him. Specifically, I was more focused on how much I was bagging and freezing than how much he needed at his feedings. If I do say so myself, that was a little ass backwards. Sure, having the extra milk is great and brings me relief in case, say, I go into a coma for 5 days because Simon's meals will be covered. Arguably, whether or not Simon gets breast milk when his mom is in a coma is not the foremost concern.
Needless to say, my relationship with the breast pump and the stored milk may be exactly why Simon was so fussy last week at the breast. I kept taking all his meals and putting them in the freezer to be stored until some point within six months. Silly Simon, he didn't give a rat's ass about the horded milk because he was hungry TODAY. RIGHT NOW. Mommy, in her infinite fears about scarcity, was more worried about any potential lack of milk in some distant future moment that may never materialize.
Since the day that I could barely get Simon to latch on for a feeding without screaming like I was forcing him to watch the Glen Beck show, I have gotten my priorities in line. Simon's present needs are most important. Period. Any extra comes only so long as he is not compromised today. There may be less milk in my freezer, but I think Simon's point is well taken: the milk belongs to him and should be offered to him first.
I love how my kids are keeping me in the present. And, it's nice to have room in the freezer for ice cream.