Saturday, April 2, 2011
Why We Swaddle
Our pediatrican told us that swaddling should be used until Simon is about 2 months old. Guess what? He's still swaddled and here's why: He's a spaz. Maybe other babies are not so spastic, but Simon is and I want to sleep. We swaddled Sadie for well over 2 months, and there's no way in hell I am not swaddling while Simon still flails around waving his arms and legs as if he's got a hip hop soundtrack in his head and he must move his limbs to the beat of the bass. I love him dearly just as he is but I will for sure appreciate it when his nervous system matures and he doesn't have to twitch and twist all day and night. I updated Simon's baby book today, which is something I am a little compulsive about. The new entries for today are his consistent social smiles and one instance of laughter on March 18th. And, speaking of social smiles, it has come to my attention that Simon smiles at Jeff exponentially more than he smiles at me. Now, I am not saying I am resentful, but sometimes a mom wants to say to her beloved newborn son, "hey, I am the one who carried your ass around all winter in my body and I am the one who is going to have mom boobs from feeding you all this breast milk, so could I trouble you to smile at ME?" Of course I am only kidding. Wait, no I am not. So, Jeff has heard my complaints that Simon smiles more for him than for me and has tried to assuage my competitiveness by saying that it's only Jeff's shiny head that Simon is smiling at since it reflects the light. I tried to buy that excuse and it almost worked until I heard about a study when listening to the radio earlier this week. The esteemed and learned DJ's Eric and Kathy reported about a study that babies smile and gaze more often at the parent who is better looking. WHAT? Nevermind that reporting that study on the Eric and Kathy show between the bathroom humor and blow job jokes is jarring enough, but there is a study that speaks to my exact moment of parenting? Fine. Jeff's better looking. Says who? Who the hell did this study and why? Did my tax dollars go towards funding that study? And, finally, isn't "good looking" a pretty subjective concept? For example, I think Bradley Cooper is hot, but I have a friend who thinks he's smarmy. I NEVER WILL see what women and gay men see in that Robert Patinson vampire dude, but the ladies love him. Are you telling me that Jeff is so far and away better looking than I am that even Simon who can only see about 3 feet can discern that? I think I have learned a valuable lesson: I should listen to books on tape in the the morning.